I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
