hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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