What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
