what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
