Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
