hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
