Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
