I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
this must be what syphilis tastes like
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
