sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
