Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
