Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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