I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
