The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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