My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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