And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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