i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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