Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
