It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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