need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
