the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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