I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
