You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
