no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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