Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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