I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
