At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
this hospital has no fireball
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize