I feel like abortions should bother me more
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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