The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
