True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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