people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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