you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
