When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
