I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
