I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think I am morally bankrupt
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
