She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
