is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You know, be my cock's hype man.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
