the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
