SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he shaved USA in his pubs
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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