i already hear my dad disowning me
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
