He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
