If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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