Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
