Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
