whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize