Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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