why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
