I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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