All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
