I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
