we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
