i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
