i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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