My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize