youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
