Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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