sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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