sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
