yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
