i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize