I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
