lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
