11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
