I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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