No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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