Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
