wat bout pragnant strippers??
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
