I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
