My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
