Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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