There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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