It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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