im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
