things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
