Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
