he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
