u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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