Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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