Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
