your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This baby is an asshole
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize