evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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