I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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