remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
