i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
