looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
