JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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