I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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