I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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