You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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