oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
