Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
