North Korea, Best Korea!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
