She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
