A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
