you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
