He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
