you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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