Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
