Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
