found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
