So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
